Change, Pivoting, Seasons, and Peace

This past Wednesday Dan and I launched Pivot Party: a podcast about embracing change.

Embracing change isn’t easy: 

Thanks to launching our new project, I’ve been thinking a lot about a line from one of my favorite childhood movies, Little Women (1994): “Change comes as surely as the seasons, but twice as quick. We make our peace with it as best we can.” Whenever a pivotal moment arises in my life, this resurfaces. Naturally, with the start of a new adventure, it has been on repeat in my mind.

Seasons come and go:

During this strange time of pandemic living, we have watched Spring leave and summer go by. Next week we will usher in Autumn (well, some people will, here in Houston we will welcome what I like to call, weather system 2: less hot and mildly less humid until October. Weather system 1 is: very hot and very humid). 

Obviously, all joking aside, a change of season always feels like something new is starting or that something is being left behind. 

This year, the seasons are truly markers of time passing. For me, the change in seasons mark periods of creativity and periods of stasis.

Creating during challenging times:

On this week’s episode of Pivot Party, I speak candidly about my inability to create anything in the late spring and early summer. Then, after talking with a friend and sharing ideas, I started to feel like I could create something and be musical again. 

While it wasn’t easy at first, I now own that period of time when I didn’t want to and couldn’t find it in myself to make performance videos or even really think in a creative way. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I needed that downtime in the creativity void.

Benefits of downtime:

Although I see the benefits of that season now, at the time, I felt alone and couldn’t see past my darkness. I felt like all of my friends and colleagues were creating amazing new (online) content and I just couldn’t do it and didn’t want to.

In the moment, I really struggled with that feeling. Here I was, a musician, a college instructor, a private teacher, and a performer, and I was struggling. I struggled to find the motivation to create music and share it in a meaningful way. 

Honesty about fears:

Undeniably, it was scary because it didn’t feel normal. I was really used to the jam packed schedule of concerts, teaching, gigging, driving everywhere, and planning. Naturally, to have all of that taken away all at once was jarring. What was more jarring was that this time shone a light on my own fear. These are fears that many musicians have in today’s (old) world. These fears include: the idea that if we aren’t constantly creating and putting things out there, we aren’t good enough, we are behind in some way, we won’t get called for gigs, etc.

Specifically, towards the middle of the summer things shifted. After talking with a friend the ideas started bubbling again. I realized that perhaps,the lack of creating and driving and forcing and being a workaholic was a good thing. Maybe I needed that space to get my mind right and in a space where I had something to offer again. 

In the hope that my mind was in a good place, I started some projects.

For example, my husband and I launched a marketing firm (a side hustle we call designbyknight) and I decided to stop worrying and start creating spaces for artists and musicians to be in community with one another.

Now, here we are in mid September with: new website, new blog, new podcast, new video series, new perspective, new goals, a lot of new things. 

Conclusion:

In conclusion, change is happening and I’m learning to make my peace with it as best I can.