Are You a Teacher?
This past spring (2024) I was subbing as a sectional coach for the Jacksonville Symphony Youth Orchestra. A young student asked me the most piercing question: “Are you a teacher?”
Never have I felt more seen, and it was by a kiddo. Being called out by a student is pretty standard. However, this particular exchange impacted me greatly.
During the spring 2024 season, I was really struggling with my professional identity. I held a fancy sounding job title at a fancy sounding organization, but was also teaching private lessons, subbing with the Jacksonville Symphony, gigging, and subbing as a sectional coach whenever I got the chance…I was working a full time job plus my self employed ventures. On the day the “Are you a teacher” happened, I was really questioning what I was doing professionally and it was like she just cut through all the dense fog and lifted it
The Teacher and Freelancer Back Story
I’ve been teaching private lessons and performing professionally for (ahem) 21 years. I started teaching lessons right after high school and haven’t stopped. It has been a constant for me since 2003. My relationship with being called a “teacher” has had its ups and downs. Over the past decade I’ve taught lessons in schools, taught sectionals, taught at colleges and universities, taught at summer camps, coached chamber music, taught orchestra classes, taught music appreciation, a creative arts seminar, coached youth symphonies, and started two community learning orchestras in two states. I am, in fact, a teacher and performer. So why did this kiddo’s words pierce me?
Wrestling with Professional Identity
Status, prestige, big title…sounds like it’s a professional dream come true, right? The music world is a strange little place, but so is the rest of the world. People tend to look at someone’s job title and form opinions about them. Good, bad, ugly, misunderstood, whatever. In 2023 I found myself in a new city, meeting new people, and hiding my professional title when meeting these new people after some unsavory and combative interactions with other professional musicians.
“What Do You Do?” Music World Edition
I’ve encountered the “what do you do” question my entire career. It seems there’s no good answer for it and folks LOVE to share their opinions and anecdotes once I say what I do.
In my experience, it hasn’t mattered if I held a position at a University or a leadership title in a non-profit org…the response from the outside was the same. Judgmental.
So, this spring, I decided not to care about what others inside or outside the music world think of me, and pursue what I love- teaching music. I love teaching private lessons, I love working with youth orchestras, school programs, coaching chamber music, prepping students for auditions, all of it! And- I’m good at it. I left the fancy sounding job and have stepped back into my calling full time: teaching and playing. I am in fact…a teacher and performer.
Success, Status, and Stigmas
Being a teacher can be a challenge, not just because of the inevitable difficulties of teaching a student and working with the public, but also from the judgment and free-floating opinions from the outsiders and insiders. In the music world, people box others into categories like: Performer. Teacher. Then, from there, a hierarchy is formed…where do you perform? Where do you teach? People attach values to the who, what, where, and why without looking at the person as a person or as a professional. One time in a job interview, the interviewer asked if I “felt comfortable” talking to musicians and working with musicians who went to a conservatory because I taught at a state university…I was livid, but I persisted.
Finding Peace and Claiming My Identity as a Teacher
That young student saw me- she recognized that I wanted them to learn something. There was a compliment behind it, something I wasn’t expecting in a violin sectional on a Sunday afternoon. But more than that, I was feeling like I was in the wrong full time job at the time and was considering going back to focusing on private teaching and other teaching jobs when she asked. It was like confirmation from the universe, that yes, I am in fact a teacher and that’s a great thing. That is an amazing thing, that is who I am, but not all that I am. Recognizing that I missed teaching as my main focus brought up a lot for me about my relationship with success, status, and stigmas. I however, realized that I needed to be true to myself…for my career, but mostly for my mental health.
Since deciding to go back to freelancing and teaching as my main gig, I’ve felt more like myself than I have in almost two years. This season (Fall 2024) I’m so excited to be performing chamber music with some really excellent musicians in NE Florida and playing a few concerts with the Savannah Philharmonic. I’m also taking on a teaching/conducting role with the Golden Isles Youth Orchestra and expanding my private teaching studio. It just all feels right. I haven’t written this to say hey look at me and what I’m doing, but to encourage folks out there to find what they love and do it unapologetically. The critics will be there no matter what. Pursue what makes you feel whole and makes you feel like yourself no matter what that is.
